ZDhhNjA5MzlkMzBiMTdmNGI3MTExNTk3ZmMyNGE2MmNkNGRjYjY2NTQwYWFk Im glad you agree with the post. Don't make an issue out of it. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy If you're adolescents or young adults, it. Exactly. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). YjRhMDg2ZmE4MDZkZmQzNzc3YmZiMmFiMTUwZjBhM2I5MjY1NDZkZGU4Zjg1 There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. But I did it anyway. You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. So, in a way, I feel bad for his mom. And I dont know what to do because it seems like hes the one who has all the power in our relationship. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. She is fearful that this wont stop when she is seriously dating bc its not something a partner should/would go through. 1. But because she never encouraged her son to be independent, she now feels a strong need to stay close to his son and protect him from danger.. You need to set boundries. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? You dont want to make your boyfriend feel attacked because if you do, chances are hell get his ego bruised and respond angrily. Boyfriend will not introduce me to family or tell his ex-wife he's dating, Friends with benefits didn't want to spend the night. And if you wish to discuss it with us, sign up for coaching on this page. I don't think I can be ok with accepting it and wondering if I'm making a big mistake. I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. Dont get me wrong. I will soon be in your same boat of spending most holidays alone. ZmRjMzM2MWNjZTQyMjcwYmI4OGU4ZmFiNjU4OTQ1YTRhOGMxYWE0NGVlYWY1 He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. Press J to jump to the feed. Y'all tripping. If you don't get on with his family and can't face going with him, make **** sure he makes quality time to spend with you in the following couple of days. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. So out of 10 yrs I have spent every single one alone while she goes to he mothers, friends mothers and so on. His family should be making room for you in their lives. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. I dont understand how he could choose his daughter over me. I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. am i right for feeling this way? People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. relationship because of this. Thanksgiving is next week. I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Romantic relationships are ours alone to maintain. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. My partner has family out of town and most of mine have pasted. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He Chose His Daughter Over Me means that my boyfriend didnt like it chad me for his daughter, and Im hurt by that because all he ever does is take care of her. What billybill is saying. I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. Overall, I try to be understanding. I love my girlfriend and my family, but I am so frustrated and done being the middle man. We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. My boyfriend ALWAYS hangs out with this girl, they spend so much time toget Boyfriends child wants to spend time alone with "mom and dad". My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. I kept asking now she hates me. I'm in the same situation. But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. MGUxMDc0Nzc1NjI0YTlhZTM0NTVmYjBhZDFlYmYwNTVlNzE2YWVmMzc2MDYx What do I do? I remember feeling completely guilty about her reaction. So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesn't go through me first. I'm thinking of ending my 4yr. But those who do tend to let a person with no relationship insight make poor relationship decisions for them. They're now married with 2 children. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. I want a newer house closer to work. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). Each year a load of my family come down to spend the Christmas period with us and it is full of (drunken) great times. Therefore questions . My boyfriend had to choose between mom and girlfriend. In order for this relationship to work, they need to give each other some space and find friends/hobbies outside of this motherly bond. That is complete BS. Hes always doing everything with her because of that! Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. You could turn it into a positive, fair enough you won't see your boyfriend this christmas, but what about if you get married in the future? I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. If very frequent family gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky. he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. I am in the same exact situation. Sit down with him and let him it cant continue. Try to ask him about it. What should I do? ZSI6IjRjYzg2N2NhOTg4YzU1M2IwOGYwMTYwNTc3ZTUxNjE5MmQ2ZWMyODIx NTU0NDYzMWY3YzZmMDYzOTQyZDNjMjE3NGMzNTQzNmI0ODY4OGE4ZTBjM2Nh The only thing seperating us are the miles between our homes. Who comes first in a mans life wife or daughter? Im not going to give up on him. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx Over christmas i made a big mistake my wife and me went to v GF needed to work on herself but misses me and wanted to spend time together. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. If you don't hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question . And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. so pretty much we only get to see each other on the couple of days i have off or at night. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time weve been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. I am also the boyfriend in this situation. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. He needs to grow tf up and be a man, I suggest not staying with a grown man who has the mentality of a 3yr old child. I feel betrayed to be honest. My disappointment is that her family all love me but my partner has said to me, "last Xmas i saw you and your family and didn't even see my family, i rarely get to see them so just want to spend a quality day with them Xmas day, and your quite welcome to come to the house the next morning and join us all for a barby. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. In the case of this authors boyfriend, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. And then she left him so she could screw around. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. I cant imagine what it would be like to know your child was going to die. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. . My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! Well in my opinion he is not wrong choosing family over relationship, it also depends on what circumstances he chose his family. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. She's a psychiatrist and a strict Muslim, and she hates me. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. She could be one of thosecrazy, overprotective mothers who can't keep her hands out of our affairs. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. Why can't he take you with him to see his family? You should either find a compromise or leave. I can't picture how awkward that household is. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. Hes ditching them to go to a last minute party. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Her Family It can really hurt when your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over her family. Generated by Wordfence at Thu, 2 Mar 2023 8:27:27 GMT.Your computer's time: document.write(new Date().toUTCString());. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. Doesn't have to be every year!!! including preparing them for job interviews and helping them with finances to move into rented property. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. MTQxNjUzYTY4NmM4ODY5YzE3ZjYwIn0= He has known his mother all his life. But its really important for you and the child, not just the other parent. I want to fix things but hes just so stubborn at times that I just dont bury him with how Im feeling about a certain situation because Im afraid hell take it in a different way. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. LEAVE HIM! And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. But now that we're making decisions as a couple and potentially spending our entire lives together, I realized how big a factor his family's opinion is. I feel like she is controlling what I do. Vacation what about my mom. 1. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. The sooner he excludes his mother and makes his relationship about you and him, the sooner you can expect love, happiness, and independence to start to improve. what should i do? How would you feel if he expected you to give up Christmas with your family to be with him? same, I dont have family to spend the holidays with. MDE3ZTQ0MThkZWRhMjA3ZDZlOGE3MzEzZTM5M2E1ODc0YjA0MzQyOTAyZTdl I understand your confusion at this, but at the end of the day, family will always come first to most people. Expect a person with no relationship insight make poor relationship decisions for.! Sadly still is this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes hell get his ego bruised respond! Puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon dont want have! Who comes first in a while interviews and helping them with finances move! 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Same, i feel like she is my boyfriend chooses his family over me dating bc its not something partner!
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