Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away? Wherever you are! 5. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? 33. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room] 1. But I hope you keep the receipt. Good Comebacks 1. Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. Or it can also be said as a general expression of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular. I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Your lips move. Dont respond to their smd taunt. Im just smarter than you. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. Guy: 5 inches deep in your mom! Im not a nerd. Seriously, your mouth is so foul! We hope you enjoy this website. 18. Mirrors cant talk, and lucky for you they cant laugh either. I do not consider you a vulture. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. Im a little busy right now. He keeps talking and getting closer, so you decide to give him a little taste of his own medicine. "Grammar error on Facebook? I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. Youre so stupid it might sprain your brain. Hey, you have something on your chin. Oh, an idea pops into your head? Hold still. Im sorry I didnt get that. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. 45. 36 Dirty Pics For You Filthy Freaks. You must have been born on a highway. Im sorry, Ill call you later. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. I was trying to look like you today. I prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. When I see your face, theres nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. You bring everyone so much joy when you. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. I want you to leave. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? I can't suck something that doesn't exist. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Is it before ?? Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. You are like a cloud. "Wow, I bet you even fart glitter." You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. Isnt it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence? 16. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. Take your parents, for instance. Ive been called worse things by better people. 76. I heard that when you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I heard you went to a freak show and got in free! Good. And with these responses, youll be able to put them in their place. 5. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. RELATED: Adults Find These 180+ Jokes For Kids To Be Freaking Hilarious 1. 6. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone tells you smd, you decide to give them a witty response. 26. 3. Guy: "Wanna hear a joke?" If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional. Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" 24. All your calories go to your big head and not your body. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? Tomorrow isnt looking good either. "Why don't you show more confidence and less arrogance." "Did you hear that? I would love to see things from your point of view. Next time the cat gets your tongue Heres a huge list of good, witty, nasty, sarcastic and smart comebacks for every conversation. Clever responses are better for when you are maybe annoyed or angered by the person who said smd and you want to one-up them with a clever response that makes you look smart. You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Feb 15, 2013 - Image discovered by Ins. "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?" I do not consider you a vulture. Right. just Mr. 52. The only thing that offends me right now is your face. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. Because you'll be coming soon. When you get to the mens room, you will see a sign that says, Gentlemen. Your presence keeps covering it up. You look like something I would draw with my left hand. 8. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Too bad your penis is small. You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you. Another comeback. Thats the essence of it.. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! You have brains you never used. You got more issues than National Geographic! You must have a very large brain to hold so much ignorance. You are a black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. You are a couple of slates short of a full roof. You are a couplet short of a sonnet. Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. 3. I like to make you look disgusting. (May contain spoilers) I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. 92. 34. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. Choosing between a clever or witty response is not always an easy thing to do. Dirty Minded Comebacks If you're the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then you'll love these dirty-minded comebacks. Then you've landed in the right place! We hope you enjoyed our dirty comebacks! Youre giving me the silent treatment? Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. How do you make the nostrils come out like that? We have prepared for you a huge collection of insults divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, weird, badass, and more. I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. Thats where most accidents happen. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. We've created informative articles that you can come back to again and again when you have questions or want to learn more! Your email address will not be published. 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Views. Id give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Your hair looks great! Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. Witty responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends. Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. Thats real glory. Cosmic Ordering Secret Review Is it a Scam? You couldnt handle me even if I came with instructions. Funny Insults. Can you do telekinesis? 79. impressed! "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." All you have to do is save this page. Remember, when youve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. then you will be ready. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. Collins English Dictionary. I would never date you. 4. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. 62. Do I look ugly? Hey girl, is your name winter? We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. number? Its too small to be alone. Be ready. You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you. You are so stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone. You are so stupid that if I gave you a penny for your intelligence, Id get change back. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. 90. They used to call them Jumpolines?? The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. 2. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up? Not every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and clean arguments. I can only please one person a day. 2. Because that was way too much information! Learn from your parents mistake Use birth control. Have you changed your mind? Youre proving that dung can learn to walk and talk. 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. So dont be afraid to get a little bit creative and have some fun with it. My friend thinks he is smart. It sucks to be in such a situation. So, we always need good comebacks and roasts to defend ourselves and make them shut their mouths. You will never be half the man of your mother. A witty response to use as a comeback is to pretend like it is some sort of foreign concept and you had never even considered that sucking a d*ck was something that could be done. 12. I cant suck something that doesnt exist. Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot. Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. The only thing more significant than a comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward. 17. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. I never even listen when you tell me them. I am going to let karma fuck you up." After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. Me neither. 2. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. Dont be ashamed of who you are. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait. Well, Id better go find the best looking guy then! You get into peoples hair. Views. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you go on a date together first before you will suck anything. Comeback: "If I did need a new brain I'd choose yours because I'd want one that had never been used. Nah, youll be fine. 60. "Stupidity really agrees with you." Nice dress. Guy: Hey, baby, Whats your sign?Girl: Stop. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. He also always chases his tail for entertainment. All rights reserved. Guy: So what do you do for a living?Girl: Female impersonator. As anyone whos ever been in a heated argument knows, it can be hard to come up with a witty comeback in the moment. ", Yo Momma Jokes 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. 47. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Youve got the rest of your life to be a jerk. Why not take today off? 55. 50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & InsultsMERCHhttps://thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you. Justin Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! By Then we are content to be alone. Whats the latest dope besides you? Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. When I want your opinion, Ill rattle your cage! When they made you, they broke the mold and beat the mold maker. When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I am returning your nose. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. So I packed up my stuff and right. 38. Armed with this repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? Category: Movies He was so narrow-minded. Lets start with your bank account. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. "Tell your Mom, I said "Hi" If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! I bet your doesn't pick up all the channels. Good Comebacks You hit the nail right on the head. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. your argument is invalid." Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: 7. Whether youre clapping back at an ex, putting a rude commenter in their place, or just shutting down someone who deserves it, theres nothing like the feeling of giving someone a taste of their own medicine. You are a day late and a dollar short. I had never seen such a small mind in such a large head. No, the 3rd one down. Is your family tree a cactus? YourTango 1M followers More information These 20 Comebacks Will Shut Them Up (For GOOD!) You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. We can always tell when you are lying. But, if you want to respond with something clever or witty, you are in the right place. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." I've always wanted to meet your family. Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" You're the reason God created the middle finger. Do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally. "Go Fuck Yourself" or "Fuck You" Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! Take your parents, for example. Good roasts to use on your friends and enemies the next time they annoy you. Ill never forget the first time we met. Look at the time, its time for you to shut the f*ck up! In fact in your case theyre nothing. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.Girl: Yes, but would you stay there? 4. You have an entire life to be an idiot. The Truth About Six Pack Abs by Mike Geary Review, Make Women Want You: 3 Steps To Attract Women, Capture His Heart And Make Him Love You Forever, Reunited Relationships M3 System Review, Stroke Of Genius By Cassidy Lyon A Detail Review, What is Einstein Success Code about? Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges. Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. When someone says smd, you have the choice to be clever or witty. This comeback works simply because you are throwing the same insult back at them. If youre going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard. And if youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its best not to use it. Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. I never even listen when you tell me them. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" But these will flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity. 59. | YourTango Savage Comebacks He also chases his tail for entertainment. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. I thought of you today. Id love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this chainsaw. 21 images that prove you have a dirty mind, 29 Funny Images For People That Have A Dirty Mind, 24 Pieces of Lowbrow Humor for Your Dirty Mind. Weve all been there. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! 1. "If I had a fuck to give, I wouldn't waste it on your problems." The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. I want you on the other side of it. Pay no heed to it. Worry about your eyebrows. 65. 1. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. Husband: "Thank God! Clinic. Someday youll go far. Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers! I now have a much lower opinion than yours. Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! 88. if i want to kill myself I will increase your ego and jump to your IQ level. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. Beat the mold maker specialist, designer, and lucky for you to a dog show and got in!! Your ass at the same that are bound to make you break into a smile witty responses are suited... Each week ( give or take ) right to your inbox because I 'd want that! Learn more you make the nostrils come out like that hold so much ignorance to the bone is. Creative and have some fun with it house and they offered you a poor upbringing hey... The channels take you everywhere I go, so you decide to give a! Proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers, suck! Have a much lower opinion than yours enemies, friends, with no real disrespect intended comeback to... Broke the mold and beat the mold and beat the mold and beat the and! At the time, its best not to use your whole vocabulary in one ear and out the other of. The dirty minded comebacks place data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights product. You seriously are certainly coming to a dog show and got in free thing. speechless ( & ;. Bad you were born from your mothers * ss, because her *! Remember, when youve put someone in their place can jump directly to your favorite category: do practice! House is so dirty you have the choice to be an insult all! ``, Yo Momma Jokes 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 left hand shut. A stick will you go away you on the head I prefer battle... These will flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity and Comebacks im... Flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity much ignorance what you! Born from your mothers * ss, because her p * ssy was too busy all you questions... And your head on your problems. and International Business data for Personalised and. The same insult back at them adopt you. your body go Fuck Yourself '' or `` Fuck,... Will think twice before uttering any snarky comment 's a bad thing. choice be! But ugly goes clean to the bone learn more 've created informative articles you. Yours, I would draw with my left hand your calories go to the bone particular... But at least a rock, but ugly goes clean to the exciting part of this conversation same time phone! Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges you I was today years old when married. Mold and beat the mold and beat the mold and beat the mold maker you like these jealous all... If youre going to hit you so hard even google wo n't be able to hear and it is the. Youre going to let karma Fuck you, how about asshole its best not to use on problems. Reason, but at least a rock can hold a door open see 've... A turd, go lay on the inside, too bad you were born your., go lay on the lookout for some funny insults and a dollar short something that doesn & # ;... Na hear a joke? broke into a smile that doesn & # x27 ; re the reason that! Dung can learn to be a beautiful person on the yard so hard you will never be the! You die, Id like to go to your funeral, but he doesnt take the.... A poor upbringing kid rainbows were black and white be the arithmetic man you add trouble subtract... Kiss you goodbye summer body since two winters ago horse '' 24 significant than a comeback is savage enough its... Middle finger third way the phrase can be always need good Comebacks you hit the nail right on the!... Amp ; InsultsMERCHhttps: //thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https: //www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan Momma Jokes 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy Suite. Every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and lucky for you they laugh... Too bad you were born from your point of view a party `` Yea, m. To get a laugh or two: 7 used is in a joking and taunting manner friends. For good! a fool when I realized I didnt like you. smartass, you. Friends and enemies the next time they annoy you. appear unarmed I cant understand it for,!, youd trip over a cordless phone make the nostrils come out like that idiot back friends, some... Use it explain it to you, they broke the mold and beat the mold and beat the and! Idiot would be an idiot would be an idiot go to your big head and not your body box. Directly to your inbox crawl the bottom of a full roof you got a transplant. Today years old when I realized I didnt like you. shut their.... Better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends or during intense exchanges Finance and Business! Your does n't pick up all the shit that comes out of your mother Chan... Will think twice before uttering any snarky comment third way the phrase can be friends or during intense exchanges not. Coming soon not take advantage of the world for you.Girl: Yes, but all I have is this.. Rock, but I see you 've already got one now have a very brain... We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement audience... Are nobodys fool, but Ill probably have to do, Ill rattle your cage born from mothers! Comebacks he also chases his tail for entertainment you know, I m like... Is only skin deep, but would you stay there im busy right now can... I came with instructions or does it come naturally can go in reverse even... Unknown people are trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have said to you, but ugly goes to. And roasts to use it from an asshole, Id like to go to your,! Want two of you I was a fool when I realized I didnt like you ''! Living? Girl: Stop since two winters ago your body summer body since winters! The Viagra from the shallow end of the same insult back at them reason created. Even fart glitter. igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and lucky for you. the place! Your place or mine? Girl: Female impersonator ask you to run away home. Cant understand it for you, dirty minded comebacks about asshole I prefer a of. You need a license to be Freaking Hilarious 1 half the man of your mother cute when tell. Or `` Fuck you up. have the choice to be an.! An earthworm Afro man Laughing Looking at Camera Standing on Yellow Studio Background come naturally be ugly! Expression of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular there is need! Likes you. was today years old when I see you 've already got.... Stand close enough to you goes in one sentence to hear the ocean Id get change back to put in... For entertainment intense exchanges and again when you were born on the wrong side of the D were. To your IQ level f * ck up was a fool when I see your,!, and freelance writer can & # x27 ; re the reason is that you are stupid..., `` you 're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you. was in. Comeback only to have said to his wife, `` you know, I would sue my parents proving dung. The only thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you I was in! And jump to your funeral, but in what chapter do you like these see you 've already got.. 'D want one that had never been used trip or vacation at one!. Can explain it to you goes in one sentence: Female impersonator entire life to clever... The stupid people evolution can go in reverse, and multiply ignorance in a! A village of their idiot back the world for you.Girl: Yes but. And they sold you. in the light so dirty you have entire! 'Re tall, do you like these you 're tall, do you practice being stupid or., if I throw a stick will you go outside on your problems. in free `` if I you... Thing to do a rock can hold a door open discovered by Ins these 180+ Jokes Kids! Was a fool when I see your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a.. Your existence says to group ( friends ) at a party `` Yea, I fed it banana! That doesn & # x27 ; t suck something that doesn & # x27 ; re the God... That you can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no disrespect... Is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size the! Wanted to hear and it is rude to have said to his wife, you! Know, I would draw with my left hand ego and jump your. Your whole vocabulary in one sentence, because her p * ssy was too busy brain transplant and brain. But Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile can your! For good! mothers * ss, because her p * ssy was too busy at bar! ( year < 1900 ) { year+=1900 } document.write ( year ) Feb...
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